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The creation of Logline 12

So, today's logline went through more revision than most, so I thought it might be fun to dissect the changes I made, so you (and I) can better understand my process.

The intial "logline" went like this:

When a high school math teacher helps her neuroscientist husband complete a set of seemingly random numbers that keep showing up in the human brain, they're able to unlock seemingly supernatural powers with a simple surgery. When their first test subject turns into an unstable killer, they're the only ones with the ability to stop him.

My initial idea involved math a lot, so I kept a lot of that in. But once I realized this one was going to be way too long, I just embraced that, and included more information than I needed, so that I could just cut the fat and have a fleshed-out logline.

When a woman and her neuroscientist husband accidentally unlock the brain's hidden potential, they create an unstable psychic killer that only they can stop.

This is a lot better, but once it takes up, like, a quarter of the logline, it's clear that the "couple" aspect of the idea is unimportant. 

When a neuroscientist accidentally unlocks the brain's hidden psychic potential, she's thrilled. But when her test subject goes crazy and starts killing people, it's clear that she's the only one who can stop the superpowered lunatic.

After trimming that, it seemed pretty short, and like it needed a little more, so I expanded on the "unstable psychic killer" part so it'd be clear that it was an accident. But now it's just a hair too long again, so...

When a neuroscientist accidentally unlocks the brain's hidden psychic potential, she's thrilled. But when her test subject goes crazy and starts killing people, she's the only one with the ability to stop him.

I'd already gotten the "superpowered" bit across with "hidden psychic potential," and the "lunatic" part with "goes crazy and starts killing people," so I realized I could cut that bit and just use a pronoun.

So there you go.It's not the greatest logline ever, but it does the trick, I think.