Ranking Loglines 51-55

I think the first thing we can learn from this week's titles are that I apparently love titling things "The [Adjective] [Noble title]." I have, what, four if you include "The Cowardly King" from last week. Weird.

I mentioned in my post yesterday, but it bears repeating here, that I've been looking into ways to get other people to start doing these rankings. Right now it feels a little masturbatory. Getting someone else to point out the strengths and flaws of the loglines would be nice, because the trouble right now is that I can only catch the flaws I know about. If I'm unaware that, say, starting a logline with the letter "Y" is bad form, then not only am I going to write loglines that start with "Y," I'm not going to point it out and learn from it at the end of the week.

Expect that to start happening (at least intermittently) soon, but not immediately. I'd guess about two or three weeks. And hey, if you'd be interested in doing that - at least occasionally - let me know. Ideally I'll have a small handful of people interested in helping me out, so I could have people ranking my treatments and outlines, too.

For now, though, it's still me, so let's get to it! For reference, here are the loglines for the week:
The Servant QueenAfter a violent coup, a young crown princess pretends to be a servant to escape notice as she plots her return to the throne.
Unmarked GraveAn anthropologist investigates the events of Genghis Khan's life to find clues as to the location of his grave.
BetrayalWhen the king's youngest son leads a rebellion against the crown, the king struggles not only to put down the rebellion, but to figure out where he went wrong with his son.
The Child QueenWhen the king dies and his ten-year-old daughter takes the throne, her chosen regent prioritizes his own happiness before the kingdom's health. The new queen must try to take command for herself, lest he ruin the kingdom before she has a chance to rule it.
The Prodigal PrincessA princess who had set aside her titles and nobility returns home to lead the defense against the foreign country she had been living in.

The Servant Queen is a pretty good start to the week, I think. It's an interesting and descriptive title, there's obvious irony, and a good mental picture. All around pretty solid, if I do say so myself.

Unmarked Grave... Normally, I'm concerned that my loglines get a little long-winded, but I wonder if this one isn't too short. I guess it's probably not. The title is intriguing, and the mental picture I guess is pretty okay. I don't see much irony, though; the best I can find is just that an emperor who ruled that vast an empire is hidden so well? I don't know. I do like the idea, though.

I really like single-word titles like "Betrayal." It's such an ominous word, great for catching interest. The trouble is they're usually not too descriptive, but I think this one fits well enough to avoid that being a problem. As for the logline itself, I love it. It's got a fantastic mental picture, and such tragic irony. Like, there's not a lot of irony, but the irony that's there is just gorgeous. This one's a strong contender for the winner.

The Child Queen is also pretty strong, I think. I love the idea of a political thriller with a ten-year-old girl as the protagonist. Like, what? Irony is a definite strong point; the queen has to fight to rule her own country. The mental picture is good enough, but I'd like to have the teeniest bit more of an idea of how she plans to accomplish her mission. And then the title is okay, but feels a little... I just worry it'd come off as a kid's movie. Like, if I was in a theater, and didn't know anything else about the movies there, I'd pick The Servant Queen or even the Prodigal Princess above The Child Queen. But I do love the idea, so it's another likely candidate for next week's treatment.

Speaking of The Prodigal Princess, that titles not phenomenal either, for the same reason - though less so. The idea itself is solid. It's got plenty of irony, what with the princess returning to the throne to fight the nation she had been calling home. The mental picture is good, though I'd like to have more of an idea of why she's returning. Why is she fighting on her old kingdom's side, and not her new home's side? Does she feel any guilt in the process? Heck, why fight at all? I guess it's good that the logline is interesting enough to have so many questions, but I just wish there was a single clue as to the answers.


So in case you hadn't guessed, the competition is definitely between Betrayal and The Child Queen this week. Both are really solid loglines, and ideas that I'd really like to write besides.

I think I'm going to go with The Child Queen, for the aforementioned "political thriller with a ten-year-old girl as the protagonist" reason. I'm just curious as to what that looks like, and if I can pull it off without just turning her into a very adult-like little girl. I mean, obviously she'll be smarter and more mature than the average ten-year-old, but I'm going to try to keep her as much of a little girl as I can. We'll see what happens.

 - Teddy